Ryan Sheets

Dear Barry,

Below is a passage I found at http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/Facts-Are-Stubborn-Things/ about health insurance that I find quite fishy:

There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care.  These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov.

It seems to me that you are in fact attempting to tap civilians to work around the Fourth Amendment.  That’s very fishy.  Don’t you know that the previous administration overrode the Fourth Amendment with the USA PATRIOT Act?  All you have to do, buddy, is call these people terrorists, and you can do whatever you please.  Now I know your friends have faced some pretty fierce opposition in the past for calling Conservatives, people who have jobs, Libertarians, soldiers, people who can read, and so on “right wing extremists” and “terrorists”, but that was only because they got caught.

Do you have to be so high profile about this?  I know you’re just trying to be honest with us, but we really don’t want honesty, and that is why we elected you to office.  If you want to spy on us, just use the PATRIOT Act and try to keep us from finding out.  You know the best part about the PATRIOT Act?  If you feel like spying on someone and someone else finds out, you can threaten them with 5 years in jail if they mention it to anyone else!  How cool is that?!  It’s fine that you voiced your opposition to the PATRIOT Act before you became President; we all make mistakes.

You probably wouldn’t even be lying if you called these people terrorists!  United States code title 18, section 2331 defines “domestic terrorism” as follows:

All you need is a criminal law and you are set, my friend.  Did they speed on the way to work?  Did they jaywalk?  Speeding and jaywalking endanger human lives, and it can be assumed that they did so to keep their job.  Since they use the money from their job to pay for a car, phone or internet connection that allows them to contact their Senator or Representative attempt to influence their decision, these people are legally terrorists!  Cuff ‘em!

Yes sir, it will be as easy as 1, 2, 3!

Now, all spying aside, here’s something else I found on the internet that was pretty fishy: the enumerated powers of Congress.  I’ve been staring at this list for a while now, and for the life of me I cannot find where Congress has the power to pass laws concerning the health of the People.  This is a problem!  We need to work on a new Constitution or something, because this one is bunk!  I mean, seriously, why are you guys spending all this time trying to take care of us, when the real problem with this country, the reason we can’t all have everything for free, is this foul document to which you are all bound by oath?

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;

To borrow money on the credit of the United States;

To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes;

To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization, and uniform Laws on the subject of Bankruptcies throughout the United States;

To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures;

To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States;

To establish Post Offices and Post Roads;

To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries;

To constitute Tribunals inferior to the supreme Court;

To define and punish Piracies and Felonies committed on the high Seas, and Offenses against the Law of Nations;

To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water;

To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years;

To provide and maintain a Navy;

To make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval Forces;

To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions;

To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress;

To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings; And

To make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.

I heard most of the laws you have been signing lately are over a thousand pages long.  This is not surprising considering all the dancing around the Constitution you guys must have to do.  I certainly feel for you on that.  I also heard that you all don’t even have to read them, and that you all just know from a brief summary what is right or wrong; wow, that is a skill! If I can lighten your load a little, I don’t really expect you to read a thousand page bill, or even know what it’s really about.  I just expect you to be a rubber stamp.

Your steadfast committment to the complete modification of the greatest country in the history of the world is quite refreshing.  Things would have been awful right now had you not helped John McCain sell my future and the future of all other Americans to your campaign contributors.  I know you’d never work with Wall Street,  just like you’d never work with these terrorists who expect you to allow something as dangerous as Freedom.    For once we have a man in office who is not afraid to throw cold water on the American Dream.  That’s change I can believe in!

How do you and the Congress critters even get anything done with this few powers?  My hat goes off to you, sir, for you are truly doing the impossible.  Passing a helpful law must be something like winning the normal Olympics with no legs or arms, and that is a real shame.  I say we just ditch that nasty Constitution and replace it with something simple and straight to the point, like this:

If you need anything from me, anything at all, ask someone else.  I have nothing left.  I really wish I could help you take over America and destroy the evil Constitution, but, you see, those scumbags on Wall Street aren’t giving me anything for free, and they just raised my mortgage payments.  If you could spare some change, that would be great.  Thank you for your time, even though I know time is infinite for you.

Most Sincerely,

Ryan Sheets